How do you catch someone who has let out a silent killer fart. Read it here.
Read about my unconventional take on DLF IPL 2009 here.[link]
For all those lazy bums who decided to be lazy and for the unsolicited visitor on this blog.
A Condom Tale : The Origins
Well the post is at my new wordpress blog and I have to say wordpress is much better than blogger. So, all you lazy bums quickly blogroll my new blog. here's the link
A Condom Tale
and yeah comment section is disabled so that you have to comment on my new blog :P
Thanks for noticing. Was on a trip to Goa few days back. Since coming back I've been incredibly busy and will remain so for at least a month or so. So, unless something earth-shattering event happens like I fall dead you won't be hearing from me...will try to follow you guys the best I can. Anyhow thanks freya for the cute blogger award. The last time I checked into the mirror, I was anything but cute.
Goa was loads of fun. Here's sharing some moments from Goa.
Mid-day orgy in progress at Colva beach.
The best pic of the trip clicked by me of course at Chapora fort (The Dil chahta hai fort)
Sunset at Chapora fort beach.
Chunni from Dev D at Calangute Beach (the Jason Bourne beach)
Holi with Russian girls at Leela beach. Wanted to take them for a ride but they don't understand a word of English. Damn the Russians :P
Baccha log aisa nahi karne ka
Biker Boyz
All of you are wrong.
The answer is Parvati Vaze, a model who bears an uncanny resemblance to Genelia D'souza ( the Jane tu ya jane na girl or the bommarillu girl to some) in this wallpaper.
This wallpaper is from FHM's 2009 calendar where she is Miss October. A few other models and film-actresses make up the other months. My favorite is Bruna Abdullah (Miss January) who's VJ on Channel V...looks absolutely sizzling hot.
PS: Mads...you could have rotated your head instead of doing that with your laptop. :P
Can You identify the girl in the picture? I bet you can't.
Came across this joke today in Maxim's January 2009 issue.
Height of embarrassment: Running into a wall with an erection and breaking your nose first. OUCH!! Gave me stomach cramps this one.
Nothing's happening.
I am...I don't know what I am.
I don't want to read anything.
Don't want to write.
Don't want to watch.
Don't want to sit.
Don't want to stand.
Don't want to walk.
Don't want to sleep.
Don't want to do anything.
Don't want to do nothing.
Just want to say 'Abracadabra' and *poof* just vanish oblivious to others and oblivious to me.
Anything worthwhile mentioning over the past one week was we realizing that Shhhhhh was suddenly not getting obese but actually is pregnant. Shhhhhh is our cat and yeah you have to make that sound to call her.
Dhiren tagged me. I have to tell 25 things about me. Here I go.
1. I drink lots and lots of water, maybe about 6 liters of water everyday. No...I don't run marathons or go to gym which necessitates this kind of behavior. I just drink water I don't find anything else to do.
2.I analyze things a lot and I think about a lot of things.
3.I am not a chatter-box. I speak only when I need to speak.
4.I will never have 32 teeth that a normal adult has coz 2 of my premolars have achieved martyrdom to plaque.
5.I absolutely love bhaigan ka bharta and biryani. Ek saath nahi...alag alag.
6.I like to keep my nails short all the time and I don't understand how some girls can keep their nails long just for decorating them with polish et al. I always fear what if the long nails poke somebody's eye out of the socket.
7.I never miss the Jug Suraiya article in TOI. I think the way he makes his point across to the readers with his humor and pun is phenomenal.
8.I can't sing or play any kind of instrument or can dance or give thought provoking public speeches or any kind of speeches or paint or sketch or write heart-wrenching poems or any kind of poems.
9.I hate crowds. They are a big-turn-off for me and I absolutely avoid crowded places.
10.I don't have specific loo-timings unlike other people who religiously go in the morning.
11.I am a sucker for women in short hairs of specific kind say Gina Gershan's cut in Bound or Juliette Lewis' in Natural born killers but definitely not the Gillian Anderson kind from The X-files.
Just clarifying things. The lady on left is Gina Gershon and one on the right is Juliette Lewis.
12. I have about 15000-20000 songs in my computer...a majority of them Hindi.
13. I have a very high metabolic rate that means however fatty food I take in I never gain weight.
14.I have a phobia of dogs.
15.I don't like the western kinda fast-foods like pizzas,burgers...etc. Give me pani-puri, chaat, bhel-puri anyday and I will devour them.
16.I don't like cold drinks at all.
17.I absolutely don't know any kind of kitchen job...cutting, cooking etc.
18.I am a weekend drinker. I prefer Beer, Vodka or White Rum.
19.There was a time when I used to be sincere in studies.
20.I love cinema though my movie-god is my good friend Utkarsh who has watched more than 2000 movies now(this guy is insane)
21.I am Bengali by birth since both my parents happen to be Bengali but culturally I am more of Bihari/Chattisgarhi and people have a hard time believing Bengali really is my mother-tongue.
22.Bihari guys have always been my best friends.
23.I have actually a talent. With a bit of effort I can reasonably copy anybody's writing and I have put this talent to use at various instances in my life.
24.We are a group of friends who believe that there are two kinds of people in this world. One who believe in Ataraxia and the other who don't. We the the former kind.
25.I lie very often. In fact I lie at the drop of a hat. It is possible that some or all the things said above may be lies out of my twisted convoluted mind or I may be lying right now. You decide. :P
Read this. Which brings us to the question "How much of sexual liberty is good?" and "Is sexual education doing any good in the west?" then why should we introduce it in India. This is total erosion of family values. Is mindless westernization eating into our Indian culture?
Results of moral extremism. Thank god they didn't go ahead with wedding plans.
Now, everybody's talking about Valentine's day and talking about crushes and love, I thought I should share a story. Now this story doesn't start with 'Once upon a time' coz that places the story quite a few ages back. I would say the story takes place about 15-16 years back in a small school of a very small town of say Chattisgarh(erstwhile M.P). The story is about a boy. Let's name him 'A'. A girl named Vanita also studied with him in the same class. (Vanita btw is also synonym for 'woman' in Hindi) There was something about this girl, that whenever he set his eyes on her, his heart would start racing like a car clocking 180 on the highway. He could never explain it. May be it was her starry eyes, or the braided hair or the rosy cheeks or the pink lips. Nah, it just wasn't a single thing.
And then there was her birthday. While everyone was singing the happy birthday song, 'A' left his seat and approached her. He wished her happy b'day and then kissed her on the lips. Next thing he remembered was the shocked look on Vanita's face as he was being dragged away by Acharya sir with a look of repugnance as if someone had farted on his face. On the way, Acharya sir asked him 'Maa-baap ne yehi sikhaya hai?' to which he replied 'Nahi....Khud se seekha hai' and then he felt his ear getting strained beyond its elastic limit. That was the last time he swore to god that he would ever speak the truth. He was taken to principal's office and his parents were called for and then there was the 'Sanskar-Sanskriti' lecture. By the way 'A' still hasn't been able to figure out what the heck is this 'Sanskar-Sanskriti' thing.
Later that evening 'A' saw Madhuri's breast-popping number 'Dhak Dhak karne laga' and he forgot all about Vanita. ;)
Disclaimer:All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
Yep....that's pretty much summarizes Anurag Kashyap's Modern Devdas. What I would say is the light-hearted scenes have been really done well. The film is seriously wanting in the serious portions of the film. Unlike Bhansali's Devdas, where you feel connected to his pain in love, you rarely feel the same kind of sympathy for this Dev. The crushed male libido of Dev is also not clearly portrayed on-screen. The audience in my opinion will hardly empathize with Chandramukhi aka Chanda and her reasons behind joining the whore world. And there are just too many songs packed into the movie. Kashyap could have done with just background score instead of incorporating the songs. In the end, the movie just kills the 'spirit' of Devdas the sole reason why this Sarat Chandra's character is so famous among jilted lovers.
Two other things of note that happened today.
No.1: I saw a man committing suicide. We were standing on Park Street Metro Station. A man standing on the far end of the platform suddenly left his bag and jumped in front of the train. I saw him getting rebound from the opposite wall and then BANG!!! with the train.
No.2: While returning from Kolkata, a guy kept staring at me the whole time while I was sitting beside him in the train. I was really pissed off at his 'dirty looks' and felt like breaking his jaw.
I don't usually listen to English songs. Whichever I do, I come across them as a part of a movie/tv-series OST. Here's a song from David Lynch's Blue Velvet originally sung by Bobby Vinton. To aayeye sunte hai bobby vinton ki madhosh kar dene wali aawaz me yeh sugam sangeet. :P
Hope you enjoy it.And here's an inspirational video I came across after a long time. Click here.
My bro is taking in loads of proteins into his body. I was intrigued coz he's not into body building and all. So, I asked him the reason and he said, 'She is two inches taller than me.' Aww...so that brings us to the question I'm gonna put forward to the guys that 'Would you go out with someone who's taller than you?' and to the gals that 'Wouldn't you want your guy to be taller than you or it doesn't matter.'
My opinion...well I wouldn't go out with a girl who's taller than me. It would eat me all the time or may be I can make an exception if she's like ridiculously rich. Yeah...Yeah...You can call me male chauvinistic pig...I don't fuckin' care.
Spring fest got over last week...the last spring-fest for us. For those of you who don't know what it is, it's a cultural fest held at our college in spring. Simple enough? It's also the time when people from other colleges come over here and the campus gets to have a fair share of the fair sex.
Friday morning was spent in dancing on the make-shift disco and watching our friend go from one girl to another requesting them for a cup of coffee and every time meeting with a disdainful 'Nooo' or 'Whyyy'. I don't understand what could be a problem over a cup of coffee. It's not that we are going to eat you up or something. Hum to yahan lutane ke liye khade hai...apar koi yahan loot ta hi nahi...ghor kalyug hai baba...ghor kalyug.
Friday evening was KK night. The show was a huge hit. People were scaling walls and infiltrating illegally just to get into the show. We had our seats just at the back of the girls row. :). Now, all the girls were enjoying the show to the hilt except for the teen deviyan who just sat directly in front of us never once standing up to dance. They were quite annoying and we kept on pestering them until they stood up and yelled 'You fucking enjoy the show' before making their exit. Bitches...I tell ya.
Saturday was for The India Jazz Suites. The crowd for the show was exhilarating to say the least. A minute correction the crowd in the boys line. The girls had a separate line and you know how long the girls' line go. Anyways, boys being boys the single line soon converted into double and triple lines and there was a huge pandemonium at the scene. My sandal got torn apart, feet were trampled upon but eventually I managed to get inside albeit the trip and fall before the entry door. The show was mesmerizing, an absolute heart-stopper. We clapped till our hands were sore. It was followed by Hasya Kavi Sammelan which was also very good. Dr. Kumar Vishwas was at its usual witty self and kept the show entertaining and jocular.
On Sunday we took part in a Quiz. Although we got through the preliminaries, we finished last in the final rounds. Oh! my story eventually got me selected for the writing workshop by British Council. I decided against going there coz I really don't want to be a writer. Writing that single story was enough of a mind-fuck for me.
Okay then that was Spring fest then...this week we have Kshitij, a techno-management fest.
I was reading Nita's post about parenting. Couldn't help as my thoughts ventured into how I was brought up. In my family, my dad was the lenient type and mom the stricter one. Initially, my mom didn't venture into the academic portion of my upbringing; that was left to my dad. But then two things happened.
1. A KV(Kendriya Vidyalaya) opened in Dongargarh( a tehsil about 4 hours from Bhilai). In those days, KV in dongargarh was a big thing coz there wasn't a single real school in there( I think it still is). This would be like opening of a CCD/Mc.D in Kharagpur. So, every parent in dgg wanted to send their wards to this prestigious school.
2. Plague broke out in Surat which meant that my father had to go to tend to the patients which also meant that he was not present to help me prepare with the entrance test to the school.(this is Class 3 I'm talking about)
I of course failed. I actually failed in Hindi and passed in English and Mathematics. Yes, once upon a time I was very weak in Hindi. My father had to use his sources and bribe the principal to eventually secure my admission in that school.
My mom obviously didn't like it wee bit coz I was in that school solely due to my father. It was then that she decided to take my academic affairs into her hands. She obviously had lost faith in my father's lackadaisical tutelage. I had just managed to score 60% marks in Class 1 and Class 2. Time to straighten up the kid.
The study sessions with her were torturous to say the least. Ear-twisting and hair plucking were common affairs to her plus I was not allowed to cry. She would bark at the top of her voice,'Kante baron korechi!!'(You are not allowed to cry).
So, what would follow would be this wheezing sound followed by pause and then again the wheezing sound and a pause in alternating patterns.
She was of course brilliantly trained by Grandpa. The story of my grandpa goes like this. He craved for a son to carry out his family name and tried very hard. But, every time a girl child would be born to him. Eventually the number stopped at 7(my mom was no. 4). You can imagine how pissed off this guy must have been and how much love he must have showered upon his daughters. Add to that my mother unfulfilled wish for graduation.(She was married off half way through her graduation) No wonder all those pent up frustration came crashing down onto me. Damn you Grandpa!!
One of her favorite rants would be,'Salar okal kusmondo, kon ku khone poida hoe chilis, jobe teke poida hoye chis jaliye pudiye kheli'. This roughly translates into O thy wretched son, you have caused me innumerable sufferings since the moment you were born to me.' Translation really takes the edge off.
I remember one particular incident when after repeated instructions I forgot to put the chandra-bindu on madhumakhiyan, she in a belligerent tone told me to get out of her sight. So, I stood up and started to walk out of the house. 'Aye! where are you going?' She screamed back. 'I think you told me to...isn't this what you told me.' I scratched my head in confusion. 'Come back.' She said after banging her head into her palm.
The standards set by her in academics were very high. I remember she started crying when I stood third in class 5 after coming first in class 4. That was really funny. But, more funny was that I had to act remorseful and really try hard not to break into a laugh in front of her.Later that night at dinner, she said that I should quit studying and that she would ask Dad to open a pan-shop for me.'Yeah, okay...I'll take up the offer.' I replied in a jestful way. She visited my school the next day, and made sure that every teacher knew how I had become negligent with my studies.
I see these American way of bringing up kids and how they are 'grounded' and I think I was grounded for the first 16 years of life!! A fixed one hour of TV-viewing and that too DD-1. Yeah, that's true. I wonder how I turned up sane. There was also just two hours of fixed play-time. I remember messing this up too one day.
Now, no kid wants to drink milk. My mother insisted that I should finish up my glass before heading out to play. In my hurry the glass slipped out of my hands and the milk spilled all over the floor. My mom didn't acknowledge that as a mistake and assumed it to be one of my mischiefs. So, she locked me up in the bathroom. Peeved on denied the chance to play, I decided, 'I have had enough of this life.' I flushed each and every soap down the toilet and emptied the shampoo and oil bottles on the floor. I seriously wished that may be she will after go through her threat of drilling a hole through my neck with the kitchen knife if I cause enough problems for her. Nothing of that sort happened otherwise I wouldn't have been writing all this. Isn't it? ;)
Over the years, her image for me has changed from the gigantic eight-headed, eight-legged grotesque monster (when every direction would reverberate with 'Bhago, mummy aa rahi hai') to a lady who is too much preoccupied to see her sons stand on their legs. I say to her 'Maa, in case you didn't notice we have been standing on our legs since we were 1 year old.' Bhagwan, Maa ko sadbudhhi de
'Yeah, Darwin suggests so.' I answered.
'Must be true. You know how I'm sure of it. That American lady who plays tennis, she exactly looks like one.'
My father and I burst out in laughters. Poor Darwin. He had to undergo several years of research and that too on finches to arrive at the same conclusion.
On Sunday times editorial page, M J Akbar in his article 'India, Pak aren't neighbors; they are worlds apart' suggests 'If a poll were taken in India, asking whether Pakistan should be relocated in Latin America, the answer would be an unanimous yes.' I think Mr. Akbar completely misses the point. Even if such a poll is taken in Pakistan, before casting any choice the question asked would be 'Who gets to keep Kashmir?' ;)
Akbar should have known better. Personally, I feel India should be relocated right past Brazil. That way the carnival dancers would be just stone's throw away from us. :D
Few things are as revered in Brazilian culture as the bunda-the female posterior. Just like God who's omnipresent in here, the bunda has its conspicuous presence in there.
PS: I always had this feeling that I was born in the wrong country.
Saw this tag at somebody's blog (can't recall whose). Instantly caught my eye. The rules are simple enough: I have to do a google search for the answers to all the 18 questions and pick the picture on the first page with minimal explanation. Sounds interesting, eh?
1.The age you'll be in your next b'day.
2.The place you'll like to travel to.
3.Your favorite place.
4.Your favorite food/drink.
5.Your favorite pet.
6.Color combination.
7.Favorite piece of clothing.
8.All time favorite song.
9.Favorite TV show.
10.Significant other.
11.Town in which you live.
12.Nick name.
13.Your first job.
14.Your dream job.
15.One bad habit you have.
16.Your worst fear.
17. Things you'll like to do before you die.
18.Things to buy if you get $1,000,000.
PS: Do let me know if anything remains unexplained from the photos.
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