Aks

‘Look look look’, Utki was animatedly pointing at something. We all turned around to see a bottle being played around in the waves.

‘He has finally lost his mind’ , all of us thought.

‘What???’, he was taken aback by the lack of response from us. ‘You don’t get it, do you? Arey! the bottle is broken at the bottom and a terrorist is using it to breathe underneath the sea.’

‘Ohhh’, exclaimed everyone dawning upon the epiphany. ‘Arey! Patel, throw your cap on the bottle’s mouth. We’ll suffocate the damn terrorist to death’, Kaka added the killer line and we finally burst into wild laughs.

That was ‘we’ being ‘we’ on our way to elephanta Caves from the Gateway of India. The thought of terrorists coming from the very same route was so outrageous at that point of time and yet, something similar happened on 26/11. During our internship at Mumbai, we used to ogle at Taj and Trident, hoping that someday we could afford to go inside the poshest places of Mumbai.

Someone of the things that’s gonna happen/already happening over the past few days are:

1. India’s gonna declare that they have documents supporting Pakistan’s hand in the terrorist attack. Oh! sure. We do have documents after every such attacks. But what are you doing with those documents??Wiping your ass off every time you take a shit and no, I’m  not suggesting nuking Pakistan. That would be downright foolish. But, why are we still trying to maintain a relationship with that country. That country has never been our friend for the past 60 years and its never going to be for the next 60 million. Why isn’t India hell bent on raising International economic sanctions. I can’t imagine USA or China sitting pretty, while a god-forbidden country keeps on raping them again and again.

The irony of the situation is we can never get square with Pakistan. We would then, have to breed militants in our country, export them across the the border, instruct them to kill their civilians indiscriminately and keep on doing it year after year. That’d be about square. Like totally square.

2.Pakistan is going to deny that it has got anything to do behind the attacks. Of course, we believe you. You are the most sanctimonious country present on the face of earth that uses 90% of its resources on finding new ways to fuck with our country. I don’t know how our Intelligence Bureau keeps coming with your name. I wonder who hires the twonks over there.

3.Political leaders will come to visit the injured at the hospitals. Jeez, I don’t know what to say. Mai to touch ho gayaji, by god. You actually made time from playing your petty vote bank politics and mud slinging to visit us. Well, I would like to say thank you for allotting your precious time and do hope that you’ll be visiting us again after the next terrorist attack and don’t forget to bring the media with you. Wo kya hai na, accha image banta hai. Waise twadi security cover to mast hai ji. Suna hai hamare tax ke paiso se aati hai. Wah ji Wah!! tumhari to khub aish hai. Aisa hai na ki thoda time mile to aam aadmi ki securty ke baare me soch lena. Nai Nai …koi jaldi nai hai, na hi koi zor zabardasti. Thik hai na??

4.The government will announce economic compensations for the dead policemen and army officials. Oh! sure you will…well thank you…wait a minute, weren’t you wimps were the ones refusing the Sixth Pay Commission to the Army(one of the few organization left who actually have men). Make sure that Vimla Devi fiasco doesn’t happen again. Vimla who?? Arey! the widow of Nanak Chand. Nanak who?? Arey! the policeman whose ass got busted while trying to save your ass at the parliament. Remember Now??I wonder if you people would have been as callous and indifferent as you are now, if one of the politicians had managed to catch a bullet.

5.This is not going to happen but still its my ardent appeal to the terrorists that the next time you give a visit to our country, take down the two clowns in our political system. One has already stepped down from the home ministry, but the other one is still clinging to his CM’s chair. What will we say…oh its interesting. I have already prepared the press release. Here it goes: ‘These small things happen in such a big country as ours. We got lucky this time. Actually they had come to clear the whole political brass but managed to catch hold of only two.’

Well it has been a really long post and I’ll understand if you aren’t able to reach to the end. But, all these things were simmering inside me and I had to vent it out. I had my voter ID card made this year but seeing the inept people at the helm of affairs, I am not too excited about finally being able to vote. Who’s to blame for this?? If we are looking for the guilty, do we need to look into a mirror??